Aloha friends,

It’s been quite a time of immense heartbreak & growth. My beloved mother passed 4 months ago & my father died two weeks ago. This photo perfectly represents what I feel, like I’m suspended between fire & ice. My emotions are running the full gamut of possible expression, ricocheting between heavy grief & the joy of simply existing.

Experiencing the death of two parents in a short period of time is unbelievably painful & utterly destabilizing. It’s taking all my inner fortitude to ride the depth of the emotional waves, take care of my own health, deal with my parent’s physical affairs & plan a memorial.

Somehow, in the midst of the insanity of the past many months, I managed to do two more interviews (one with WellBeings Podcast & the other with Surviving Breast Cancer.org ) & publish another article about mindset & living with metastatic breast cancer that was published on Surviving Breast Cancer.org.

Check out my interview with Well Beings Podcast here. Nigel & I spoke all the way from Hawaii to Ireland!

I wrote this piece about my interview with Nigel of WellBeings on my Instagram page recently about the lesson of vulnerability I learned after my chat with him.

Vulnerability:

I’ve been learning more about the tender teetering of my heart as I’m mightily cracked open with the death of my beloved father last week.

My days range from shock, to numbness, explosive & silent tears, gratitude, exhaustion, joy & walking on the tightrope of being utterly real.

On Monday I was scheduled to do a live interview with the wonderful Nigel of WellBeings all the way from Ireland to Hawaii. Little did I know when I scheduled it one month ago that my dear Dad would be cremated within the hour of our conversation. I was a sobbing mess one hour before & called my brother in disbelief about the sudden death of our dad. I seriously considered canceling the interview as my eyes were red rimmed, puffy & I was utterly cracked open.

The thing is, I never cancel something, unless it’s absolutely clear it won’t work. My M.O. is to KEEP GOINGTry till it’s absolutely clear you can’t. My dearly departed parents taught me this. I asked myself what they would do & the strong answer was that they would continue on, so I did the same!

I have learned to say YES to life. If an opportunity presents itself & it feels right, I go for it. I know that life is damn short & I might not ever be presented an opportunity that resonates with my heart.

Nigel, the interviewer was amazing. Such a heartfelt, wise being whom skillfully wove the conversation. He is magnificent! We covered topics such as the healing potential of horses & the healing horse work I do with humans Wind Horse Sanctuary , my book ‘Grace, Grit & Gratitude: A Cancer Thriver’s Journey from Hospice to Full Recovery with the Healing Power of Horses’, aloha ma (self love), Hawaii, my epic cancer healing journey & at the very end I share vulnerably about the recent death of my beloved dad. Not all interviewers dance into the depths like he does. I realized that the fact that I was utterly cracked open right before the interview made it one of my best yet.

I encourage you to dive into your vulnerability, even when it scares the shit out of you. You never know what gems will be unearthed from the experience.

Māhalo Nigel for the healing conversation. Talking with you helped remind me how precious our time on Earth is, even when in the depths of profound grief.

I snapped this photo yesterday right after I had a good cry about my dad’s death last week. I love how my mop of curls form a halo to hide behind in the moments that I feel especially cracked open, which is often these days.

Vulerability: Dancing with Fire & Ice